FINDING MY WAY IN THE DARK

Hey Fam

huh!even when I walk in the valley of darkness I am safe, I am loved, I am protected hamba uzobona (go and you will see) Still in Dominica...

So what are the chances of hiking up a hill (1h15min walk) to see a friend only to het there there is no one sunsets no one no other choice but to hike back down,only for the cell phone to die on you!

Well yesterday I experienced one of the most scariest things that I could go through while travelling thus far (after catching a train at 3am in Brooklyn last year I thought that was scary..When I was in New York I went out with friends from Queens and on our way back I wanted to sleep in my own bed and after alot of no this no that when the train stopped I dont even know where I just jumped out and waved bye once the train moved I wa like oh shit where I am and believe subeays in New York are no walk in the park but I eventually found my way safe and sound).

ANY WAY

Now I found myself in the forest trying to find my way through darkness and twice I almost fell in the river I swear I saw it as a path...I went to see a friend who wasnt there and I thought they would eventually get there by 7:30 pm no one just me the trees and the night creatures house is locked I had no choice but to head back down where I came from...My heart skipped a beat...funny thing about life though when you just know there is no other way out except doing what you have to all else goes aside reasoning and mental debates stop dead cos you just have to do what you have to do.any how I send another friend saying 'I am up here no ones here so I am walking down' in my head I' am thinking should you not hear from me in the morning come look for me.'As I press send that sound tooootoooo low battry shutting down!

My heart sank for a split second and I prayed my favourite prayer si ngaba ntwana abatcane sina mandla amfutshana ngi cela ungi dcine ngi thandeka ngi cela ungi dcine ngi no xolo (we are small children we soont have alot of strength keep us in love keep us in peace)
Then I called my ancestors and told the animals of the area I am just passing through I am not looking for trouble.

Then darkness fell like a cloud on me normally when I am in tight situations I cry first I guess that helps me release brain freexe moments and I think more clearly after crying...I blink nothing cos my mind is like Thobs whether you cry or not you will have to do this and maybe you will see them coming up with a deep sigh I start walking.

My poor feet but thankful cos they took alot of beating..stones...rocks...water,prickly leaves and at some point I had to take my shoes of cos they where slippery.
I was really scared but I figured I am all alone no one can hear ish from me so the best is to move forward and if it wasn't for the help of some fire flies and all the female slaves who ran away from plantations in darkness with no shoes worse then they created their own paths and had nothing but freedom in their minds... so their courage made me fearless and I found my way...slipping and sliding losing balance almost spraining my ankle numerous times safe at home and really thankful for being protected.

When I got home after my shower and spliff feeling settled I thought my experience through and was wondering about fear,how it appears in our daily lives and our responses to it too,In my state of fear how much of what I saw did I really see..the moments where I almost went down the river boy the night plays tricks on the eyes one minute you think you going straight the next you bumping on trees or when I heard footsteps coming my way and then silence!

I believe fear is False Evidence Appearing Real! and we should be aware of our fears so they dont control us if I had given in my fears I dont think I will be writing this...

I guess the inspiration to be alive is deeper than our fears, for what are we scared of? more than our greatest fears becoming reality!so these scary moments become a mirror and reminder we can handle much more than we think.

love and Light

ITS JOURNEY NOT A RACE....TAKE IT EASY

We living in the era where defining and knowing self is very important to be able to define and determine your own destiny to be able to be you, with out shame or guilt that society imposes upon us.

The way/journey/path going into self is not easy because you have to let go of who you THINK you are and what society thinks you are.But its doable a constant changing process,the beauty lies in the authentic self even when so many things around and within us changes there is the true God given self still standing...

The other day I was just wondering how much of me is really me,how much of me is the people I surround myself with and how much of me is what I was raised to think I am.I  had to sit and ponder on this (plenty thinking time in the Islands Nature Isle) and while I was on that tip I realised my life is like pealing a banana or an orange removing layers bit by bit.

Those who have started the journey serve as reminders to those seeking not to sit in the sit of judgement of others even though others will feel judged based on how you live, remind them as you remind yourself.

So to yours truly (based on my journey cause I can only speak of what I know and experiences) to know yourself is like trying on a pair of shoes..you try them because they look like your kinda shoe,they beautiful and exciting even just looking at them.... any way...this shoe you wiggle,push,feel your toes,use your fingers to put them on you do all this because you love this shoe you do this until you find a pair thats comfortable for you and your feet.
No one can tell you how and when it is comfortable only you know.

I cant help but remember with warmth incidents when I was young and gogo (grandmother in Zulu..I was raised by my grandparents) brought me shoes or a dress (without my presence) in her eyes and sometimes mine too looked good but did not feel good sometimes the shoes will be tight and when I walk in them hot hot hot and I will sing Macy Phakele "ayatshisa amateki this is not my size"  or the dress will be too tight under my arms or my waist no comfort what so ever and I didn't feel comfortable for nothing...but for some reason I was just to scared to tell her "it doesn't fit me" cos its not like we got new clothes often so in my fear I smiled and said thank you and paid the price with discomfort just in case she changed her mind and I will have to wait another 100 years till I got a new outfit. The best feeling will be coming back from church and taking of those shoes and dress aaah such relief!and made mental notes what size I am.

I relate this to our spiritual growth so often we try to fit in boxes and places we dont belong but for many reason known to ourselves we live these lives of false comfort,then it becomes necessary to know what is right for you what fits comfortably with out you having to force and fight your way to comfort when you could have slipped in like you do into your favourite flip flops.

The first 15 min you spend alone hearing your thoughts,feelings ,seeing the beautiful and the ugly of self,the first time you sit and look at self wont be as comfortable as the 100th time you do it for you would have by then found that which you in the constantly changing times,because you would have wiggled,pinched,pushed taken off tried another TILL you find the perfect fit the original you and good to walk in (being comfortable in your own skin)learning to love beyond your skin to find self leading to comfort in your own skin.

The same process we apply in buying shoes or clothing item is the same process as getting to know yourself.

Nature Island is teaching me to hear my silence and go beyond the surface to be aware when the shoe dont fit,I also realise and except that my grandparents where preparing me for this life I am living and for that I am thankful and grateful for the memories that come knocking in the silence of self whispering stories I thought I have forgotten yet hold the key to my next door.

Be patient with self till you find the authentic self

love and light

its a journey not a race take your time aka live life like pealing a banana 1 leaf at a time

THE GAP OF NOTHINGNESS THAT BECAME EVERYTHING

Lately I realise I have a lot of time in my hands time for me just for meeeeee.
at first that was scary all along I thought I knew who I was(it changes) so I had to look within a bit deeper beyond my opinion beyond my desires and fears and that can rattle some bones in your mind and today in one of my meditations  I also realised as much as this is a beautiful island I feel alone not lonely I just wish I had people around me who enjoy what I am enjoying you know,but people are caught up in survival and time they dont own, always too busy or tired lol wonder what it says about me oh well... ok ok I just miss having friends my firends who know me and understand me and don't want to change me lol...

Sometimes I feel all has been said and done buuuut  here is my Friday 2 cent comment:

I have come to realise (the hard way) between one wanting to do something or achieve something there is a gap of nothingness, so it seems and this nothingness we label it as boredom,stagnate,procrastination,others say nothing is happening in their lives no sign of God and goodness.
 I would like to dispute this notion whole heartedly based on the fact that these gaps in between us and our dreams these are preparation gaps... eg.artists sending out profiles to perform or be part of events exhibitions etc and maybe no responses come when you want them too,so rather then feeling sorry,uninspired etc

 use the between time waiting, to prepare for the show as though you've been invited already use the free time to up your game, polish your skill and bring out a flawless production...when it happens that's the good time and you will be prepared and divinely ready...faith is believing in  things unseen yet to come..patience is believing and knowing what you prayed for, working towards will manifest, but do you know this? do you believe in this? and using your own life as a testimony of this truth.

truth is before you given what you've asked for you will be asked are you sure this is what you want? and when that is being asked it comes in many forms of circumstances and experiences, at times you will feel discouraged by circumstances and week minded people,you feel uninspired you will feel like you procrastinating,you feel all sorts and the question remains are you sure you want you asking for?...through it all your actions will give the answer yes or no and if you fail to decide the universe will choose for you...you will get where you going 2 paths easy way or the long way and how you interpret your circumstances that will decide easy way or long way.

in your path others may see absolutely nothing and they will project their fears and insecurities on your choices, trick is you know where you going you the one holding the vision and you know who you are so keep at it,your own fears will scare you off and discourage you BUUUUUUUT Faith and Patience will take you to the door step you seeking and you better recognise the feeling too that comes with finally reaching the door step...hang in and keep doing and no time is ever wasted....

Thank you to the endless list of people who inspire me based on how they have worked relentlessly to be where they are...We see you!

EDUCATE BUT DONT VIOLATE!!

"If you love your children, if you love your country, if you love the God of love, clear your hands from slaves, burden not your children or your country with them".
Richard Allen

 Today I had a class presentation for 4th forms/ grade 11 students on Identity and Culture(part of the Dominican Youth Counsel initiative excellent 12 module program),so I figured I am in the Caribbean I will use a Caribbean man to get my point across and I asked my question with enthusiasm "who knows Marcus Garvey"...silence...any one? no miss we don't know him...

at this point my mind is going on 100 miles a second,I ask again are you sure? they all look at each other yes Miss we sure...I explained and continued the presentation we had a beautiful session!!....

I left with a meditative heart,deep sadness and determination, a group of 4th forms/grade 11 are not aware of there history/herstory such unfairness continuos mental enslavement...one student tried to console me by saying "feel no way Miss we don't do history"

I strongly believe there are things that all black people should know AS part of our common knowledge, where ever you are or from it should be standard knowledge schooled or not.I do not blame the children at all BUT we educators need to step up our game 3 knots higher!!! and give our black children back their story!!!

" for a man/woman who does not know where they are from and who they are,they are twice defeated in the race of life" Marcus Garvey

We also need a strong interactive and functioning link between the Caribbean and Africa based on youth interactions! exchange programs class to class skype sessions,poetry exchange etc.

My thing is that we as teachers we have been through this inadequate education system based on how it turned out for us..why are we not putting into place relevant education if during apartheid (South Africa ) teachers who cared even at deaths face they taught their students about their reality and their story…

America time and time again as back as forced slavery to all kinds of civil unrest black teachers who understood and been through the system found a way to educate and empower their students with the realities facing the black race.

 Now 2014 "freedom" at hand we cant teach our children nothing of who they are, where they from, and how they ended where they are and how to get out of this mess too/ so what does moving forward mean? yes they can articulate it but do they understand or is it a separate reality from themselves?

THOUGHTS CAME RUSHING IN

Today I met a lovely lady at the super market Astaphans here in DA. She is a Dominican but lives somewhere else we engaged very intently on the education system in DA,South Africa and America and other social issues hat have black communities ticking, seeing we have been both exposed to all 3 places.

I had read a book on Regina Charlse the Iron Lady the first woman Prime Minister in Dominica and some how speaking to this woman felt like I was speaking to Lady Charles she awakened my imagination of how it would be to talk to Lady Charlse if she was still around.Voronica (the lady) is probably in her late 40 early 50's, truth is you can never tell cos I think the saying black dont crack came from the Caribbean there is a forever young fountain of water that women drink from because they look so young and beautiful and healthy. ANY WAY!!!....
This woman has passion for education, the kinda education that uplifts youth and people who under go this education process,looking at  how do we practicalise what we been learning in these institutions to apply it in our everyday life and this comes from the angle of the the amount of School drop outs.For there are many reasons why people may not be formaly educated BUT how do we empower ourselves outside the education system,can you make something of the nothing or little you have?kinda conversation.
She said that "there comes a point where this passion goes beyond yourself and it becomes about others and your well being,the magic of that comes from knowing yourself" and she  told me stories about when she was discriminated against because she was black and she is a woman but says the power and the peace comes from knowing who she is because identity plays a huge role in this cruel world.

She went on saying the "system will use those that don't know who they are,the power of knowing self is that it protects you from other peoples bullshit relating to insecurity and wanting to make you feel inferior.
So what if I am black so what if I am a woman it is my birth right tell me something I don't know.,I don't kiss ass I want my merit not credit" at this point I was besides myself with admiration.

For at that point I could relate with her,the passion for the youth and children,the remembrance of the communal feeling we grew up with.Sometimes I feel we where the last generation before parents gave up on children and schools went worse.Our conversation led us to conclude that no matter where you are the black situation is the same in terms of illiteracy,poverty,lack of employment and spiritually sick social structure and that the key lies with in education(balance of formal and informal) within its formal structure and traditional teaching from home active parents in the raising of their children side by side with the institutions.

We looked at identity,culture and language and their complexity in explanation,but who are we when we do not know where we from and where are we going as individuals as race and as human kind.The role of language in shaping our communities and society. For language especially English it is a father tongue it represents imperialist,colonialist,patriarchal dominant presence,it is a language that has to be disrupted so as to be able to articulate ourselves outside this control as a people communities,societies and individuals.

Maya Angelou's passing, like anything that has to do with the matters of the heart,had me thinking deeply added by the conversation with Veronica had me thinking greatly about purpose,intention and direction of my life and the well being of human kind.
It is almost 2 years since I left my homeland for the first time,and I am continuously learning and growing and like the women before me I confirm with no doubt or regret that life is for the living and knowing yourself and loving self will lead you to loving humankind and being an active part to the educating and edutainment people to take the path of seeking self and knowing your God for these days we living in times where others may feel embarrassed to  profess they know God/Jah/Ancestors because they think they are being judged or its not cool because our ideas of God has been distorted so we need to renew and find self to align self with intention,purpose and direction.

My experiances in the past year and months has left me feeling that we not ready for God here is a poem I wrote:

WE not ready

Save our souls

Sindisa uphefumulo wami

These are prayers whispered in darkness

Salvation

Look deep within only to find the only sin commited

Is forgetting self

The failure to see God when you look in the mirror

Who am i

Seeking redemption while singing songs of struggle

Redemption from choices made]fears accepted

Failing to accept our role in the script of living and loving

What is my purpose

Salvation has me thinking we not ready for God

Too many are dieng premature death aborted before labour

We are slaves to mans ego seeking salvation outside ourselves

We are not ready for God

Media normalises murder,promotes fear,breeds suspicious minds

And potraying love as a fairy tale

Where am I going

Have we lost  our calling

Have we forgotten we don’t walk alone

Ye cos we too busy seeking salvation

We are not ready for God

When there are minds wounded suffering from amnesia

Spirits confused  and morals devalued

Spiritual teachers are selling salvation

We are not ready for God

For we have forgotten what it means to

Give

We have forgotten what it means to

Care

We have forgotten what it means to love

We have forgotten our state of Godliness

Salvation

Our ancestors where forced to close their eyes

Bow their heads in prayer

(all the while they thinking what a strange God)

They taught our ancestors to say amen

Cos God just took their land and put yokes around their children

Yet we continue to seek salvation from the slave masters manual

Praying with our eyes closed and hands clasped together

We never saw the blessings come nor received the touch

With eyes closed blinded spirits cant see light

So absent mindedly we wait for a Christ

To set us free and while we wait 

we deny travellers amongst us water and bread

We gossip about strangers we do not know

and spread slander on a neighbour we know all our lives

We deny broken hearts a shoulder to cry

We deny tired souls rest

All the while we wait for Christ

We are not ready for God

For it seems we have forgotten how to love

How To accept being loved

Save our souls

Sindisa uphefumulo wami

These are prayers whispered in darkness

I am learning continuously from the children I work with and from the strangers that I meet that have become family and it feels they have always been family, that

life is  long and the one constant thing is love,self love will lead you to the right people and in my travels I have come to accept the feeling that comes with people who make you feel like they have been waiting for you all their lives.

Lately it seems in our majority  we living like we dont have a purpose nor plan and the people of old are remembering the goodness that came with the package of living life with a purpose,where are we going?what are we doing/what are we working towards? as a people and these are questions are for ourselves and our communities and the society we create collectively.a life of purpose

live the life you love and love the life you live...I am my sisters keeper I am my brothers keeper.

love and light

DAYS GONE BY AFRIKAN LIBERATION WEEK IN DOMINICA

8 months later I am still enjoying the nature island and observing the everyday realities of Island life.

Since my last blogg so much has taken place,African Liberation wek celebration,which was quite good for me opened some opportunities for my performance. I also got to meet students from Nigeria and Ghanna who are living here in DA...it felt like a wonderful reunion of Afrikan children.

Having to understand what Afrikan Liberation means to the children of the diaspora,the realities of identity,culture and tradition of Afrikan descendants.There is still so much to be done to restore the lost knowledge.

 the one thing I am observing as a traveller in the Caribbean one needs a healthy pocket for if you going to live like locals you will find your self in great discomfort,for if you cant sustain your self economicaly here you're in trouble even though you will get by because the locals will go out their way to help you and I have been very fortunate to meet kind hearted people.

The greatest honour is to have shared the stage with Nelly Stharre and Trevy they are the Roots Mahaut but both are well accredited artists…Trevy is the lead singer and guitarist of the original Boom Shaka.

We had a very nice show at ZamZam Café. Memories don’t live like people do…thank gwad  for that.

feeling blessed with a wealth of experience.defining and determining who I am in the scheme of things in this world of ours and I learn daily we as a people of the earth have more in common than what divides us.

TOUCH WITH SICKNESS/ILLNESS

hello family 

Its been awhile since I blogged So I have recovered from chick gunya(not sure I've spelt it right cos how it sounds make me think of amagwinya ) apparently its spread by mosquito which for me is hard to believe because it is a mosquito infested island but any way thats not the point...
I was in great joint pain from my toes to shoulders and could barely walk, thanks to a friend Nelly Stharre , Ras Homes and positive vibes from friends my recovery was looking good. in 4 days I felt I could walk as normal my knees not so bad but then I woke up on day 5 with a rash all over  (never had to drink so much bitter wood water in my life but then it helped!

Then by day 7 I was back to health and good spirits..the point of this is that in these 7 days of feeling the pain and worried about the rash that had taken over and the fact I am not home! I recovered, as though nothing had happened...

I was left in awe by the loving kindness that was showed on me BY LIFE for I recovered and I wondered how many people in the world have overcome great illnesses and tragic accidents....with all this may we/I never forget to be grateful for the life we/I live...gratitude I know it sounds clitche but for real..bulele umbomi bakho..be thankful for the little things and big things and life will constantly lead you, show you, protect you in every corner.love and light and I give thank for life health and strength   #lovelife#gratitudeiskey #reflect

In the past year I have had 2 illnesses in Barbados I had Denge Fever and here in Dominica I have had Chickungunya,at this point I hope 2 illnesses in the Caribbean is enough.