Wednesday, June 25, 2014

FINDING MY WAY IN THE DARK

Hey Fam

huh!even when I walk in the valley of darkness I am safe, I am loved, I am protected hamba uzobona (go and you will see) Still in Dominica...

So what are the chances of hiking up a hill (1h15min walk) to see a friend only to het there there is no one sunsets no one no other choice but to hike back down,only for the cell phone to die on you!

Well yesterday I experienced one of the most scariest things that I could go through while travelling thus far (after catching a train at 3am in Brooklyn last year I thought that was scary..When I was in New York I went out with friends from Queens and on our way back I wanted to sleep in my own bed and after alot of no this no that when the train stopped I dont even know where I just jumped out and waved bye once the train moved I wa like oh shit where I am and believe subeays in New York are no walk in the park but I eventually found my way safe and sound).

ANY WAY

Now I found myself in the forest trying to find my way through darkness and twice I almost fell in the river I swear I saw it as a path...I went to see a friend who wasnt there and I thought they would eventually get there by 7:30 pm no one just me the trees and the night creatures house is locked I had no choice but to head back down where I came from...My heart skipped a beat...funny thing about life though when you just know there is no other way out except doing what you have to all else goes aside reasoning and mental debates stop dead cos you just have to do what you have to do.any how I send another friend saying 'I am up here no ones here so I am walking down' in my head I' am thinking should you not hear from me in the morning come look for me.'As I press send that sound tooootoooo low battry shutting down!

My heart sank for a split second and I prayed my favourite prayer si ngaba ntwana abatcane sina mandla amfutshana ngi cela ungi dcine ngi thandeka ngi cela ungi dcine ngi no xolo (we are small children we soont have alot of strength keep us in love keep us in peace)
Then I called my ancestors and told the animals of the area I am just passing through I am not looking for trouble.

Then darkness fell like a cloud on me normally when I am in tight situations I cry first I guess that helps me release brain freexe moments and I think more clearly after crying...I blink nothing cos my mind is like Thobs whether you cry or not you will have to do this and maybe you will see them coming up with a deep sigh I start walking.

My poor feet but thankful cos they took alot of beating..stones...rocks...water,prickly leaves and at some point I had to take my shoes of cos they where slippery.
I was really scared but I figured I am all alone no one can hear ish from me so the best is to move forward and if it wasn't for the help of some fire flies and all the female slaves who ran away from plantations in darkness with no shoes worse then they created their own paths and had nothing but freedom in their minds... so their courage made me fearless and I found my way...slipping and sliding losing balance almost spraining my ankle numerous times safe at home and really thankful for being protected.

When I got home after my shower and spliff feeling settled I thought my experience through and was wondering about fear,how it appears in our daily lives and our responses to it too,In my state of fear how much of what I saw did I really see..the moments where I almost went down the river boy the night plays tricks on the eyes one minute you think you going straight the next you bumping on trees or when I heard footsteps coming my way and then silence!

I believe fear is False Evidence Appearing Real! and we should be aware of our fears so they dont control us if I had given in my fears I dont think I will be writing this...

I guess the inspiration to be alive is deeper than our fears, for what are we scared of? more than our greatest fears becoming reality!so these scary moments become a mirror and reminder we can handle much more than we think.

love and Light







Wednesday, June 18, 2014

ITS JOURNEY NOT A RACE....TAKE IT EASY

We living in the era where defining and knowing self is very important to be able to define and determine your own destiny to be able to be you, with out shame or guilt that society imposes upon us.

The way/journey/path going into self is not easy because you have to let go of who you THINK you are and what society thinks you are.But its doable a constant changing process,the beauty lies in the authentic self even when so many things around and within us changes there is the true God given self still standing...

The other day I was just wondering how much of me is really me,how much of me is the people I surround myself with and how much of me is what I was raised to think I am.I  had to sit and ponder on this (plenty thinking time in the Islands Nature Isle) and while I was on that tip I realised my life is like pealing a banana or an orange removing layers bit by bit.

Those who have started the journey serve as reminders to those seeking not to sit in the sit of judgement of others even though others will feel judged based on how you live, remind them as you remind yourself.

So to yours truly (based on my journey cause I can only speak of what I know and experiences) to know yourself is like trying on a pair of shoes..you try them because they look like your kinda shoe,they beautiful and exciting even just looking at them.... any way...this shoe you wiggle,push,feel your toes,use your fingers to put them on you do all this because you love this shoe you do this until you find a pair thats comfortable for you and your feet.
No one can tell you how and when it is comfortable only you know.

I cant help but remember with warmth incidents when I was young and gogo (grandmother in Zulu..I was raised by my grandparents) brought me shoes or a dress (without my presence) in her eyes and sometimes mine too looked good but did not feel good sometimes the shoes will be tight and when I walk in them hot hot hot and I will sing Macy Phakele "ayatshisa amateki this is not my size"  or the dress will be too tight under my arms or my waist no comfort what so ever and I didn't feel comfortable for nothing...but for some reason I was just to scared to tell her "it doesn't fit me" cos its not like we got new clothes often so in my fear I smiled and said thank you and paid the price with discomfort just in case she changed her mind and I will have to wait another 100 years till I got a new outfit. The best feeling will be coming back from church and taking of those shoes and dress aaah such relief!and made mental notes what size I am.

I relate this to our spiritual growth so often we try to fit in boxes and places we dont belong but for many reason known to ourselves we live these lives of false comfort,then it becomes necessary to know what is right for you what fits comfortably with out you having to force and fight your way to comfort when you could have slipped in like you do into your favourite flip flops.

The first 15 min you spend alone hearing your thoughts,feelings ,seeing the beautiful and the ugly of self,the first time you sit and look at self wont be as comfortable as the 100th time you do it for you would have by then found that which you in the constantly changing times,because you would have wiggled,pinched,pushed taken off tried another TILL you find the perfect fit the original you and good to walk in (being comfortable in your own skin)learning to love beyond your skin to find self leading to comfort in your own skin.

The same process we apply in buying shoes or clothing item is the same process as getting to know yourself.

Nature Island is teaching me to hear my silence and go beyond the surface to be aware when the shoe dont fit,I also realise and except that my grandparents where preparing me for this life I am living and for that I am thankful and grateful for the memories that come knocking in the silence of self whispering stories I thought I have forgotten yet hold the key to my next door.

Be patient with self till you find the authentic self

love and light

its a journey not a race take your time aka live life like pealing a banana 1 leaf at a time






Friday, June 6, 2014

THE GAP OF NOTHINGNESS THAT BECAME EVERYTHING

Lately I realise I have a lot of time in my hands time for me just for meeeeee.
at first that was scary all along I thought I knew who I was(it changes) so I had to look within a bit deeper beyond my opinion beyond my desires and fears and that can rattle some bones in your mind and today in one of my meditations  I also realised as much as this is a beautiful island I feel alone not lonely I just wish I had people around me who enjoy what I am enjoying you know,but people are caught up in survival and time they dont own, always too busy or tired lol wonder what it says about me oh well... ok ok I just miss having friends my firends who know me and understand me and don't want to change me lol...

Sometimes I feel all has been said and done buuuut  here is my Friday 2 cent comment:

I have come to realise (the hard way) between one wanting to do something or achieve something there is a gap of nothingness, so it seems and this nothingness we label it as boredom,stagnate,procrastination,others say nothing is happening in their lives no sign of God and goodness.
 I would like to dispute this notion whole heartedly based on the fact that these gaps in between us and our dreams these are preparation gaps... eg.artists sending out profiles to perform or be part of events exhibitions etc and maybe no responses come when you want them too,so rather then feeling sorry,uninspired etc

 use the between time waiting, to prepare for the show as though you've been invited already use the free time to up your game, polish your skill and bring out a flawless production...when it happens that's the good time and you will be prepared and divinely ready...faith is believing in  things unseen yet to come..patience is believing and knowing what you prayed for, working towards will manifest, but do you know this? do you believe in this? and using your own life as a testimony of this truth.

truth is before you given what you've asked for you will be asked are you sure this is what you want? and when that is being asked it comes in many forms of circumstances and experiences, at times you will feel discouraged by circumstances and week minded people,you feel uninspired you will feel like you procrastinating,you feel all sorts and the question remains are you sure you want you asking for?...through it all your actions will give the answer yes or no and if you fail to decide the universe will choose for you...you will get where you going 2 paths easy way or the long way and how you interpret your circumstances that will decide easy way or long way.

in your path others may see absolutely nothing and they will project their fears and insecurities on your choices, trick is you know where you going you the one holding the vision and you know who you are so keep at it,your own fears will scare you off and discourage you BUUUUUUUT Faith and Patience will take you to the door step you seeking and you better recognise the feeling too that comes with finally reaching the door step...hang in and keep doing and no time is ever wasted....

Thank you to the endless list of people who inspire me based on how they have worked relentlessly to be where they are...We see you!






Monday, June 2, 2014

EDUCATE BUT DONT VIOLATE!!


"If you love your children, if you love your country, if you love the God of love, clear your hands from slaves, burden not your children or your country with them".
Richard Allen

 Today I had a class presentation for 4th forms/ grade 11 students on Identity and Culture(part of the Dominican Youth Counsel initiative excellent 12 module program),so I figured I am in the Caribbean I will use a Caribbean man to get my point across and I asked my question with enthusiasm "who knows Marcus Garvey"...silence...any one? no miss we don't know him...
at this point my mind is going on 100 miles a second,I ask again are you sure? they all look at each other yes Miss we sure...I explained and continued the presentation we had a beautiful session!!....

I left with a meditative heart,deep sadness and determination, a group of 4th forms/grade 11 are not aware of there history/herstory such unfairness continuos mental enslavement...one student tried to console me by saying "feel no way Miss we don't do history"

I strongly believe there are things that all black people should know AS part of our common knowledge, where ever you are or from it should be standard knowledge schooled or not.I do not blame the children at all BUT we educators need to step up our game 3 knots higher!!! and give our black children back their story!!!

" for a man/woman who does not know where they are from and who they are,they are twice defeated in the race of life" Marcus Garvey

We also need a strong interactive and functioning link between the Caribbean and Africa based on youth interactions! exchange programs class to class skype sessions,poetry exchange etc.

My thing is that we as teachers we have been through this inadequate education system based on how it turned out for us..why are we not putting into place relevant education if during apartheid (South Africa ) teachers who cared even at deaths face they taught their students about their reality and their story…

America time and time again as back as forced slavery to all kinds of civil unrest black teachers who understood and been through the system found a way to educate and empower their students with the realities facing the black race.

 Now 2014 "freedom" at hand we cant teach our children nothing of who they are, where they from, and how they ended where they are and how to get out of this mess too/ so what does moving forward mean? yes they can articulate it but do they understand or is it a separate reality from themselves?